Who wants coffee when you can have milk?

What's the deal with coffee being so popular? I don't get it. I mean it's too hot so it can't be refreshing. It's loaded with caffeine (I think) so it will take you on a sugar high and then drop you at the highest point. You have to drink it in a mug or styrofoam cup because it's too ugly to be seen through a glass. And there is absolutely no way that it can wash down a Krispy Kreme donut.

I know I will get corrected on all of those points and catch a lot of flack from most of the coffee fanatic followers of this blog, but I don't care. As a child, your parents and grandparents won't let you drink it because they say that it will stunt your growth, turn your teeth yellow, and you will become addicted to it. Yet they continue to drink it like their skydiving with a ripped parachute and the only thing they can think of is landing on a Starbucks so the media will make a big story about it forcing Starbucks to name a coffee drink after them.

I'm taking a stand for milk, the drink of the Promised Land. I'm the guy who would look like he belonged on a "Got Milk" commercial. I look great with a milk stache'. Milk is the only real refreshing drink that can wash down a ring of sugar and leave your teeth and bones stronger. Cows are awesome!! How can two of the best things ever, milk and steak, come out of the same animal? Brilliant.

I know this was random and probably insulting to the few blog readers I have, but I needed to warn all of you coffee-a-holics that when coffee becomes a highlight of your morning then it's time to take a step back and remember that the best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.